The Maycomb Informer

Late Night Intrusion

It would seem that Maycomb, safe for so long from the greedy paws of thieves and miscreants, has now come under threat from these assailants.

           Last night, several intruders were found to be sneaking around in the Radley lot.

Nathan Radley, in bold defense of his home, strode out and fired his shotgun into the air,  as a warning shot. The fiends quickly scattered into the darkness.

Mr. Radley´s personal testimony was the following:

             "I was peacefully sleeping in my home, when I heard a rustlin´ outside. I grabbed my shotgun and headed out, cuz I needed to protect my lil´ brother who I love dearly, and myself. I couldn´t see much, but I fired into the air and saw them cowards scamper away.”

As Mrs. Maudie Atkinson said in an interview, “I doubt it was any Negro that broke into the Radley lot. I´ve been in this town for many a year, and I never seen the Negroes of Maycomb break into someone´s lot in my neighborhood. No doubt it was some rascal children playing in there”

It seems the intruders have been momentarily deterred, but they shall no doubt attack again.

ATTENTION!!!

It is Arthur Radley´s own words that his intruders were not Negroes. Fellow countrymen, please do not shoot or resort to any violence against Negroes in wake of this intrusion, as they are not responsible.

                               A photograph of Arthur´s very own weapon, 

                                                                used to scare away the intruders

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When Pork Flies

This October 31st saw the premier of Mrs. Merriweather´s pageant, with her actors portraying the roles of Maycomb´s own products, such as vegetables,  eggs, or pork.

        As her pageant began, everything went along smoothly, with Mrs. Merriweather calling out the names of each product in a  voice like thunder, which sometimes resulted in no one hearing the band.

But apart from small annoyances and discomforts everything was well.

       Until Mrs. Merriweather called out "Po-ork!!!!". After a few expectant moments, no piglet appeared. Embarrased, and red in the face, Mrs. Merriweather called out once more "Po-ooork!!!"

Nothing appeared, and with a good deal of embarrasment, the show moved on.

An hour later, as Mrs. Merriweather triumphantly leapt onto the stage, waving the American flag proudly for her grand finale, a very pink and wiry creature burst out of the side tunnels.

The elusive pig had appeared, and it looked.... sleepy.

This creature elicted a round of uncontrollable laughter from the audience, and mortified, Mrs. Merriweather quickly brought the show to a close.

Said Mrs. Merriweather "It was horrible! That dumb Finch brat ruined my show! I´ll never get over the teasing of the County!"

In comparison, an unidentified citizen thought "The show was great! The part about the pig bursting onto the stage only added to the experience, it was amazing!"

It seems that the viewers of this show didn´t demand as much of it, as the producer of it.

 

Jean Louise Finch´s costume was made to

     resemble this particular creature.

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Obituaries

Dubose,  Henry, Lafayette. Aged 100, of Maycomb, left this world yesterday May 13, ending her long, painful, and difficult struggle with morphine addiction. She acquired it at age 74, following the train crash where she lost her husband. This tragedy, combined with her succeding addiction, probably contributed to what she was most known to Maycomb for: her sharp tongue,  and her bad temper.

In her final hours, she was with town lawyer and neighbor Atticus Finch, and her Negroe maid, Jessie.

We cannot say for sure she will be missed, but she will certainly be remembered.

     Editorial

Maycomb has rid itself of one of its biggest problems. The trash it had been forced to harbor in its junkyard, white trash Bob Ewell and his good-for-nothing, lazy and incompetent kids.

             Folllowing the Halloween Pageant, Ewell followed Jem and Scout, children of Atticus Finch, the lawyer opposing them in the Robinson case. Ewell attempted to stab the Finches, but was deterred by the wires on Scout´s costume, at first. Though acccounts vary, all we know is that Bob ended up with a kitchen knife in his chest.

                Some say he tripped and fell on it, others that brave Jeremy Finch fought him off before Ewell broke his arm, and still some others claimed that a  mysterious fourth party, perhaps the elusive Radleys, or a passing countryman, helped them out.

     It doesn´t matter how it happened, all that this editor is grateful for, is that a stain has been removed from Maycomb´s society,  an inkblot erased from its pages.

Letter to Editor

I agree with you, esteemed Mr. Underwood, that Ewell cost more money than he was worth. He dragged that poor Robinson into a trial for his crimes, and now that man is dead. I heard he also broke into Judge Taylor´s house, and stalked Tom´s wife. That kinda man is a walking shame on his county, and maybe we can all rest easy now that this thug´s gone. I wonder what will happen now to his house fulla kids? No one gonna want them buncha troubledoers…

Signed,

Anonymous Sensible Man

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